Those of you who have followed my blog at joefischermusic.com are aware that my son Joe died of brain cancer at the age of twenty-four.
Some have written about the “Five Stages of Grief” (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance), but we know that grief is not that predictable. It ebbs and flows. My friend Maria, who as a former trauma nurse has seen grief in many forms, says that grief is unique to each person, like a fingerprint. In an online group for caregivers of those who died of brain cancer, I have read countless stories of the grief experience; there are similarities and differences in each experience.
I’m really only aware of experiencing the last two “stages” in the list above, but I suppose my longing to withdraw and be alone for several months right after Joe died (I write at length about this in my memoir) could be a type of denial.
As for anger, I never really experienced that, but I did feel generally irritable the first couple of years after Joe’s death.
It’s been almost six years now. I can go many months feeling almost normal (the constant sadness is generally mild), but then something will trigger a fresh wave of missing Joe deeply. For me, November is very difficult—I start noticing I am feeling irritable and restless, then realize we are coming up on the anniversary of Joe’s death.
I have learned to try to slow down and be kind to myself during these down times. Bringing fresh flowers into my living space, keeping my surroundings clean, taking myself to a quiet park or public garden for an afternoon…these are all practices that comfort me.
I have written an eguide called 15 Words for When You’re Feeling Blue. I would love to send it to you in hopes that it might be of benefit to you or to someone you care about. Just click on the image to fill out a subscribe form, and I will get it right off to you.
May the peace of God, which is beyond understanding, guard your heart and your mind as you draw near to Him in times of difficulty. (ref. Philippians 4:7)